Christina was exhausted. All afternoon, since she left work, she'd been running from room to room, jumping on her bed, and screaming in the bathroom with frazzled hair and an over-sized T-shirt. She was so excited. Tonight was her date with Robert Kensely. Who would have thought that he'd ask her out! Who would have thought he'd even notice her? After spending all her energy she sat cross-legged on her bed finding ways to call off the date. She didn't know what to wear, her hair was a mess, and she wouldn't even know what to say to him. Her stomach was fluttering with nerves...
It's not easy trying to let the best part of you shine through when trying to make a good first impression. Most people make their initial impression of you within the first five seconds of meeting you. They take in your clothing, your hair, and the way you carry yourself. When men are paying attention to you, 55% of what they see is your body language; they notice your handshake, your smile, your eyes, and all the other little vibes you give off toward them. Knowing how to make a great first impression is important. I've listed a few things to make sure you look out for when you're getting ready to make an impression on him that he simply won't be able to forget!
1. BE EARLY
Being late can demonstrate a lot of different things about a person. You appear to be inconsiderate to his time, easily portraying yourself as self-absorbed. You can come across as someone who doesn't fully have their life together, especially when you show up with a pot full of excuses. Making him wait is not sexy, in fact, it's irritating. Toss away the "fashionably late" and show up a bit early instead. It puts the ball in your court. If he's there when you get there that shows he was anxious and excited to meet with you and he'll be pleasantly surprised to see that you're such an efficient woman. Arriving early also allows you to get comfortable, and check out your surroundings.
2. EYE CONTACT
Let your eyes meet his eyes as often as possible. That shows him that he has all your attention and that he's the most interesting thing in the room. Now, I'm not saying to stare at him like a three headed creature, it is okay to avert your eyes slowly from time to time. Just try not to avert your gaze to solitary things like the wall, the ceiling, or random spots on the table.
3. SMILE!
This isn't listed as number one, but it is definitely what you should keep first and foremost in your mind. Smiling is contagious, and if you want him to be as happy about you as you are about him, your best bet is to do a lot of smiling. Smile, laugh, grin, do just about anything and everything that shows off your pearly whites. A smile will get him to trust you and find you much more approachable. He'll also think it's easier to open up to you because you'll appear kindhearted and full of life. No one wants to be around someone for long that's boring or dull.
4. DRESS APPROPRIATELY
Try not to show up at a high-class restaurant dressed like you're prepared for a day at the beach. If you're meeting up at a bowling alley, avoid the heels and a dress attire, despite how flattering it is for your figure. Use common sense and dress for the occasion. Remember, it's a date, you're not going to work so there's no need to be too conservative. Choose an outfit that best represents who you are; let it depict your personality and your energy.
4. KEEP THE CONVERSATION CASUAL
Remember, this is a first impression not confession night. Stay away from topics that are too heavy or babbling about your personal issues. You're really just meeting him and you might even realize that his personality and yours simply don't mix! As women, we always want men to notice our new hairstyle or make a comment about our outfits. Men would like the same in return. He could very well have spent as much time preparing for this moment the way that you did, so if you like his tie, or his hair, or whatever let him know! Focus more on feeding off each other's energy and just having a relaxing time together.
5. BODY LANGUAGE
Here's the tough one! What do you do with your hands, how to sit, how to talk?! It's actually simple, so you can stop over thinking it. Don't turn your back or shoulders to him, we all know it's rude but sometimes it happens.... subconsciously. Also, remember that it isn't about what you say so much as it's about how you say it. This means your tone of voice, how you're demonstrating with your hands, whether or not you're smiling and the distance between you and him. Do whatever feels comfortable, and allow your body to lead you. If you want to lean in, don't be shy and if you want to talk with your hands go right ahead! It will show him you're interested in him, and passionate about what you're discussing.
Good luck, and remember that the most important tip of all is to enjoy yourself. Let your guard down, and wipe away those worry frowns. Be confident in yourself, and as long as you remember that you're beautiful, intelligent, fun to be around, and charismatic it really won't matter much what he thinks. Last but not least ladies, mind your manners!
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Friday, October 21, 2011
Fashion Friday; Building Your Makeup Collection PART 1
Look at your makeup stash. Is it a messy bag filled with the common necessities or a large box where you dumped a bunch of random items collected over time? It's hard having the right makeup tools for yourself when you're on a budget, when you're working, and when you have a ton of other responsibilities. You've got more things to do and better ways to spend your money than trying to figure out which makeup equipment you need, what works for you, and which products are better than others.
Most women start their make-up journeys with the eyes; dappling in eye shadow, eyeliner, and mascara. Why? Because it's simple and the easiest to figure out. That's also the route that I suggest. Don't worry your so much about foundation, cream, powder, and everything else that makes your head spin.
First thing that you should do this weekend is buy a makeup color palette. This is basically a palette with lots of different eye shadow colors. If you're completely new to wearing makeup, try to find a palette with the most variety. This will help you to get an understanding of which colors compliment your complexion, eye color, and face.
The best thing to do is experiment. Try different colors with different outfits. Which days do you receive more compliments? Which colors make you feel more beautiful, which combinations bring out your eyes? Don't be afraid to blend two colors that seem like they would never flow together. I've mixed purple and yellow, blue and orange, and other strange colors that actually turned out to be fabulous! If you're unsure about going out in public with an experimental look then save the crazy ideas for days you're staying in and don't have anywhere to go. Take photos and post them on Facebook or just save them in your camera so you can look back once you've become your own little makeup expert!
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
5 Reasons You Should Admit to Being Wrong
With her palms sweating, April sat on wooden chair trying to keep her infamous poker face. Thirteen of the world's most important people were about to enter the room and expect her to do one thing, and it was probably the most simple task in the world, asked of a woman. All she had to do was confirm everything she'd been saying for the past 15 months. The only difference was that now, she knew she was absolutely wrong and that she'd just been giving these men a reason to justify their killing. That's all they wanted from her. But now, she wasn't so sure she could deliver...
Being able to admit that you are wrong is probably one of the most difficult things to do when trying to coddle your pride. It gets especially complicated in situations where you've vouched for your "truth" countless times or when there are people who have had the utmost belief in what you have said thus far. Just the thought of admitting that you are wrong whether it be something you've said or something that you have done, reels in feelings of insecurity, and might cause you to think of yourself as a dishonest person simply because that's what you think everyone else will perceive you as. Admitting to yourself and everyone else around you that you are wrong is an important step in shaping yourself, and can have much more advantages than deciding not to do so.
RESPECT
When we live in a world saturated with crooks, liars, thieves, and selfish people with no regard for others, it's refreshing to find people that are forthcoming. Rather than bash you, most people will deem your ability to admit to your mistakes as an admirable quality. Even if they don't necessarily say it, and fall over each other trying to tell you how much they respect you, they will feel it, and eventually show it. The way they talk to you, treat you, and look at you will have a different tone- they will address you in a completely different manner. Not only will they grant you their respect, but you'll find that they will also be able to put more trust in you. Everyone knows you can't trust anyone that knows everything.
CLEARING YOUR CONSCIENCE
Can you imagine that burden of knowing that you're wrong, and not owning up to it? Just because you choose not to accept your wrongs, that does not mean it didn't happen. A lot of times, people either make excuses for their behavior, minimize it, or ignore it completely. By allowing yourself to continuously get away with doing the wrong thing, you're harming yourself consciously and subconsciously. You're tearing down the good that is naturally within yourself, and finding reasons to justify the bad. This damages your thought process, clouds your judgment, and affects the way you interact with others. The way you view yourself will begin to change, because inside you know that you aren't being the best person you could be. Although it appears to be daunting and it feels like a big step you're not prepared for, acknowledging your wrongdoings is actually the easier choice.
IMPERFECTION IS PERFECTION
Too many of us spend too much time trying to separate ourselves from who we are. Rather than being human, we strive to be perfect. We are beautiful because of the differences within us. We are unique because of our character. [Character: the aggregate of features and traits that form the individual nature of some person or thing]. Our flaws are our features and our "blemishes" are our traits. By owning up to your wrongs and learning to accept them, we are admitting to our mortality. These mistakes that we make are what shape us as a person, and guide us on our own individual paths. Perfection is non-existent, but we can be made individually perfect through our imperfections.
THE TRUTH
Whether we have realized it as yet or not, we are naturally on a journey searching for the truth. This is why we are so opinionated; the reason we are such curious beings. It is within us to discover and to educate ourselves. We want to be able to progress and the only way to more forward is to acquire knowledge. The mistakes that we make should not be wasted on pampering our feelings. Feeding your ego should be very last on your list of priorities. When in doubt rely upon your instincts, your most basic and natural desires. By being wrong, you are receiving an opportunity of finding out what is right. Analyze what you've said or done wrong, and find the source of that. What was the action that caused your reaction? You will better understand yourself and who you are when you decide to figure out why you do things and not just categorize your actions as either right or wrong.
HUMBLE
My biggest struggle with personal growth was forcing myself to be humble. Perhaps because I am a fire sign (Aries), I always seemed to make my presence known, said whatever came to mind, and was not very sensitive to others. Despite my attempts to be more modest, to say only words that were necessary, to tone everything down about myself, I still slipped up more often than not. I also became frustrated with trying to hide who I truly was. After praying and asking for a change, God put me through a series of situations and events that caused me to change the way I view the world and the way I looked at other people. He brought me through humbling experiences. These challenging dilemmas that come across your path that seem to threaten who you are and how you view yourself in respect to the world, are the experiences you should use to learn very valuable lessons. Humility is your reward and a new-found respect for the woman that you are and the woman you are becoming is the greatest gift of all.
Being able to admit that you are wrong is probably one of the most difficult things to do when trying to coddle your pride. It gets especially complicated in situations where you've vouched for your "truth" countless times or when there are people who have had the utmost belief in what you have said thus far. Just the thought of admitting that you are wrong whether it be something you've said or something that you have done, reels in feelings of insecurity, and might cause you to think of yourself as a dishonest person simply because that's what you think everyone else will perceive you as. Admitting to yourself and everyone else around you that you are wrong is an important step in shaping yourself, and can have much more advantages than deciding not to do so.
RESPECT
When we live in a world saturated with crooks, liars, thieves, and selfish people with no regard for others, it's refreshing to find people that are forthcoming. Rather than bash you, most people will deem your ability to admit to your mistakes as an admirable quality. Even if they don't necessarily say it, and fall over each other trying to tell you how much they respect you, they will feel it, and eventually show it. The way they talk to you, treat you, and look at you will have a different tone- they will address you in a completely different manner. Not only will they grant you their respect, but you'll find that they will also be able to put more trust in you. Everyone knows you can't trust anyone that knows everything.
CLEARING YOUR CONSCIENCE
Can you imagine that burden of knowing that you're wrong, and not owning up to it? Just because you choose not to accept your wrongs, that does not mean it didn't happen. A lot of times, people either make excuses for their behavior, minimize it, or ignore it completely. By allowing yourself to continuously get away with doing the wrong thing, you're harming yourself consciously and subconsciously. You're tearing down the good that is naturally within yourself, and finding reasons to justify the bad. This damages your thought process, clouds your judgment, and affects the way you interact with others. The way you view yourself will begin to change, because inside you know that you aren't being the best person you could be. Although it appears to be daunting and it feels like a big step you're not prepared for, acknowledging your wrongdoings is actually the easier choice.
IMPERFECTION IS PERFECTION
Too many of us spend too much time trying to separate ourselves from who we are. Rather than being human, we strive to be perfect. We are beautiful because of the differences within us. We are unique because of our character. [Character: the aggregate of features and traits that form the individual nature of some person or thing]. Our flaws are our features and our "blemishes" are our traits. By owning up to your wrongs and learning to accept them, we are admitting to our mortality. These mistakes that we make are what shape us as a person, and guide us on our own individual paths. Perfection is non-existent, but we can be made individually perfect through our imperfections.
THE TRUTH
Whether we have realized it as yet or not, we are naturally on a journey searching for the truth. This is why we are so opinionated; the reason we are such curious beings. It is within us to discover and to educate ourselves. We want to be able to progress and the only way to more forward is to acquire knowledge. The mistakes that we make should not be wasted on pampering our feelings. Feeding your ego should be very last on your list of priorities. When in doubt rely upon your instincts, your most basic and natural desires. By being wrong, you are receiving an opportunity of finding out what is right. Analyze what you've said or done wrong, and find the source of that. What was the action that caused your reaction? You will better understand yourself and who you are when you decide to figure out why you do things and not just categorize your actions as either right or wrong.
HUMBLE
My biggest struggle with personal growth was forcing myself to be humble. Perhaps because I am a fire sign (Aries), I always seemed to make my presence known, said whatever came to mind, and was not very sensitive to others. Despite my attempts to be more modest, to say only words that were necessary, to tone everything down about myself, I still slipped up more often than not. I also became frustrated with trying to hide who I truly was. After praying and asking for a change, God put me through a series of situations and events that caused me to change the way I view the world and the way I looked at other people. He brought me through humbling experiences. These challenging dilemmas that come across your path that seem to threaten who you are and how you view yourself in respect to the world, are the experiences you should use to learn very valuable lessons. Humility is your reward and a new-found respect for the woman that you are and the woman you are becoming is the greatest gift of all.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Power of Silence
Jhina was a strong and respectable woman. She was known for her voice and her power of forcing herself to be heard. Her aura demanded attention and her piercing blue eyes rooted you in one spot until she'd finished proving her point or giving detailed instructions that were to be completed in a timely manner. She'd never been speechless, until now. She held the divorce papers in trembling hands. Upon her arrival home two days ago from a sudden heart attack, she'd found her closets were half empty and her home was too quiet. How she hated the silence ...
How often do you stop everything you have to do and spend time basking in silence? Probably never or every once in a while when the world gets to be too stressful. It isn't healthy to fill your world with so much noise. Work is noise, your kids, your family, your obligations, gossip, speculations, and everything else going on around you.
HEARING YOURSELF
Your body has it's own language. It has it's own way of communicating with you and is constantly trying to alert you of what is going on within yourself. While you're busy focusing on getting ahead in life, you're burning your body out. You're not listening while your limbs are screaming "I'm tired!" and your heart is begging you to "Slow down!" How about your attitude? Have you been behaving out of character; doing and saying things that you can't explain. Be quiet, and listen to your thoughts. Sitting in silence can help you better understand yourself, and the impacting ideas nestled in your subconscious. By stripping away all the external influences, and sitting in the silence with yourself, you will be able to understand what you really want. Your mind will finally have a chance to breathe and focus on just you, your desires, your fears, your beliefs, and your standards; you'll understand yourself therefore increasing your self-confidence. You'd be surprised how many difficult decisions will become clear, and how many of your behaviors will begin to make more sense to you.
LESS TALK, MORE LISTEN
When you're constantly giving orders and making demands, you don't get the chance to hear what other people have to say. How do friendships turn sour and marriages become divorces? Somewhere along the line, someone stopped listening. When you don't close your mouth and open your ears, you forsake the opportunity to truly hear how someone feels about you, what they want and expect from you, or even if they are starting to fall out of love with you. You can hear it in their voice, their actions, their attitudes. The power to observe means the power to understand all that goes on around you. Make a conscious choice to do less talking, and making less assumptions.
ONE WITH GOD
Prayer isn't enough, and talking to God (calling it conversation) isn't enough. In order to do what you feel is right, you have to be able to listen to what He has to say. God wants a relationship, not a dictatorship. Why should He listen to you talk all the time, whenever it's convenient for you, yet you won't let Him get a word in. Clear your mind of all the stress, all the negativity, all your problems, and open your heart to receive His words. Allow Him to calm you, to help you, and to work with you while you take on your daily challenges. Give Him a chance to guide you.
"God is the friend of silence. See how nature- trees, flowers, grass- grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun how they move in silence... We need silence" - Mother Teresa
Read More:
The Power of Silence
Five examples of when to use silence
How to Use the Power of Silence to Be Heard
Using your silence as a voice in itself
How often do you stop everything you have to do and spend time basking in silence? Probably never or every once in a while when the world gets to be too stressful. It isn't healthy to fill your world with so much noise. Work is noise, your kids, your family, your obligations, gossip, speculations, and everything else going on around you.
HEARING YOURSELF
Your body has it's own language. It has it's own way of communicating with you and is constantly trying to alert you of what is going on within yourself. While you're busy focusing on getting ahead in life, you're burning your body out. You're not listening while your limbs are screaming "I'm tired!" and your heart is begging you to "Slow down!" How about your attitude? Have you been behaving out of character; doing and saying things that you can't explain. Be quiet, and listen to your thoughts. Sitting in silence can help you better understand yourself, and the impacting ideas nestled in your subconscious. By stripping away all the external influences, and sitting in the silence with yourself, you will be able to understand what you really want. Your mind will finally have a chance to breathe and focus on just you, your desires, your fears, your beliefs, and your standards; you'll understand yourself therefore increasing your self-confidence. You'd be surprised how many difficult decisions will become clear, and how many of your behaviors will begin to make more sense to you.
LESS TALK, MORE LISTEN
When you're constantly giving orders and making demands, you don't get the chance to hear what other people have to say. How do friendships turn sour and marriages become divorces? Somewhere along the line, someone stopped listening. When you don't close your mouth and open your ears, you forsake the opportunity to truly hear how someone feels about you, what they want and expect from you, or even if they are starting to fall out of love with you. You can hear it in their voice, their actions, their attitudes. The power to observe means the power to understand all that goes on around you. Make a conscious choice to do less talking, and making less assumptions.
ONE WITH GOD
Prayer isn't enough, and talking to God (calling it conversation) isn't enough. In order to do what you feel is right, you have to be able to listen to what He has to say. God wants a relationship, not a dictatorship. Why should He listen to you talk all the time, whenever it's convenient for you, yet you won't let Him get a word in. Clear your mind of all the stress, all the negativity, all your problems, and open your heart to receive His words. Allow Him to calm you, to help you, and to work with you while you take on your daily challenges. Give Him a chance to guide you.
"God is the friend of silence. See how nature- trees, flowers, grass- grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun how they move in silence... We need silence" - Mother Teresa
Read More:
The Power of Silence
Five examples of when to use silence
How to Use the Power of Silence to Be Heard
Using your silence as a voice in itself
Friday, October 7, 2011
Fashion Friday; 5 Ways to Wear a Blazer
Autumn is definitely my favorite season; cool breeze, the sun is still shining, and hardly any rain. You can get away with wearing just about anything in your wardrobe from dresses to sweaters and scarfs. One of the most essential pieces and a must have for your wardrobe is the blazer. Blazers are a great way to be classy, sophisticated, and fashionable all at the same time. Not to mention that they're very versatile. They can be adorned at work, enhancing your chic appeal or worn on a casual day of shopping. Blazers have several different styles, cuts, colors, and sizes to adapt to any outfit. Here are five different ways to rock the blazer.
1. Blazer & Jeans
The best combination for a casual stroll or meeting up for lunch with your friends is the blazer and jeans combination. Skinny jeans and heels or boots go very well together and the best thing about this blend is that it doesn't need too many accessories. A purse and necklace suits perfectly. You could also wear a tank top beneath the blazer and a pair of flats.
2. Blazer Over a Dress
On the go or attending a special event, you can always throw a blazer over a printed dress to capture a refined and stylish look.
3. Blazer and Tights
Are you far from the conservative type? Coupling a blazer with tights is the best way to show off your individuality and eccentricity. You can have plenty of fun deciding between boots, heels, a solid color blazer or stripes and this arrangement compliments all hairstyles.
4. Blazers for Work
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Who said that a blazer to work had to be black, buttoned and boring. Solid color gray, navy, and brown are all options to stay fashionable while working. Another trick to give your blazer a different look is rolling up the sleeves a bit to look more relaxed and approachable.
5. Blazers and Skirts
Mid-thigh or knee-length skirts coupled with knee-high boots or ankle boots, the blazer is a charming addition over a skirt. They will make your legs seem longer, and slim down your frame.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
13 Things To Remember When Planning for a Road Trip
Two days ago I took a road trip that was initially was supposed to last 7 hours at the most. With a lot of crazy, bizarre occurrences I finally arrived at my destination 46 hours later ...
Whether you're traveling alone or packing up with the whole family, road trips are both exciting and nerve wracking. You're worried about having enough gas, potentially getting lost, leaving something behind, and a lot of other pressing thoughts like trying to leave on time. Generally, I prefer traveling at night for several reasons - it's cooler, there's less traffic, radio reception is better, and time seems to pass much faster. In the midst of everything going on, sometimes it's difficult to also make sure that you plan out all the little details of your road trip and believe it or not, a seven hour trip can turn into two days very quickly.
1. GIVE YOUR CAR A CHECKUP!
An oil change isn't enough to prepare your car for a long drive. Get away from the packing, phone calls, and cleaning for a minute to double check that everything works on the car.
- All the lights and windshield wipers
- Tire pressure (make sure to check for lumps too!)
- Fluid Levels
- Have a good spare tire
- Have a good spare tire
It would also be in your best interest to have some emergency equipment, for instance jumper cables, extra oil, and coolant (radiator).
2. FIRST AID KIT
3. KEEP A JACKET/SWEATER AT HAND
I was traveling to Florida, and had my jackets packed away. I didn't take into consideration the possibility of being stuck in the middle of nowhere in the middle of the night, with the temperature set to freezing cold.
4. HAVE YOUR ROUTE/DIRECTIONS AVAILABLE
If you don't have a GPS, make sure you have a copy of the directions where you'll be heading. The second you have them printed out, place them in the glove compartment so you don't forget it at home. Even if you have a GPS, you should still have a printed copy in the car.
5. CAR CHARGERS FOR YOUR PHONE
6. DRINKS AND SNACKS (IN A COOLER)
7. A CHANGE OF CLOTHING IN AN EASY TO REACH LOCATION
While you're on the road you never know what problems you might run into. They could involve you getting soaked, dirty, or you may even be in a situation where your clothes gets ripped or stained. Keep a complete change of clothing (including underwear) close by.
8. NAPKINS / TOILET PAPER - PAPER TOWELS
9. HAND SANITIZER
10. CHANGE
11. SUNGLASSES
12. ROAD MAP
13. FLASHLIGHT
Read More:
-Extensive details on preparing for a road trip, including car inspection and evaluating your expectations
-How to make a road trip with your family as exciting and interactive as possible
-Great ideas for things you can do to keep yourself entertained when going solo on a road trip
Monday, October 3, 2011
5 Steps to Putting Yourself First
Amanda recalculated her bills again, not wanting to understand what was painfully obvious right in front of her face. The numbers hadn't changed. Once again, she was just under the amount she needed to cover all her bills this month. How can this be! she asked herself angrily. Instead of staring at her unbalanced budget, she got up to fix herself some tea in order to calm her nerves. When she stood, she knocked over the pile of paperwork sitting at the edge of her desk and noticed her checkbook. Then it all made sense... the money her mother asked to borrow, the money Rob used to hook up his car, the money her aunt promised to pay back two weeks ago, the cash she gave to her best friend Clarissa to pay for her daughter's ballet class.... all the times she couldn't seem to say no for this month, all those numbers adding up to the reason she didn't have enough to cover her bills...
What's wrong with helping other people? When we have our own issues and things we need to deal with, we wouldn't want someone else to turn their back on us, right? Treat others how we'd like to be treated. Good karma means what goes around, comes back around. These are just a few of the excuses we feed ourselves when we can't seem to turn someone down on a request, regardless of the impact it will have on our own lives. There are so many parts of ourselves that we give away each day without any consideration of how it may be affecting us in the long run. In Amanda's situation, she couldn't say no to helping out her loved ones with their financial issues, and ended up digging her own hole when it came time to pay her bills. Money isn't the only thing that we seem to give away so freely; as women we also tend to give away our energy, morals, values, time, and peace of mind without so much as a second thought.
1. EVALUATE YOUR "GIFT"
When we can't say no to others, we're giving away gifts that at the time we simply cannot afford. Like a credit card, we are spending ourselves in a way that will eventually catch up with us. What is it that you're giving and cannot afford to give? Is it too much of your time? Too much of your patience? Too much of your peace of mind? Do you feel like you're compromising your values? Pushing your personal morals to the side? Make a list of all the things that you feel like you're "losing" due to external factors. First, all the obvious things will come to mind but after a while, the underlying "gifts" will begin to come to you as well. You will begin to realize that you're giving away more than you thought you were...
2. UNDERSTAND THE CONSEQUENCES
Often, your loved ones are the ones draining you even when they have no real intention of doing so and you don't initially see it because naturally, you feel bonded by your loyalty to them. It may seem harmless to give, and selfish to even think that you shouldn't. While writing this list, it's normal to feel guilty about thinking only of yourself. You'll be tempted to rationalize your actions and take the unfortunate and uncontrollable situations of others into deliberation. On another sheet of paper or preferably on the back of the paper make a list of all the repetitive outcomes of your decision when you decide to put others before yourself. Are you giving so much time away that you haven't been spending time with yourself lately? Is it difficult to sleep at night? Are you unable to focus at school or at work because you're worried and allowed someone to take advantage of your peace of mind.
3. CREATE UNTOUCHABLE HOURS
By putting other people in front of us, we not only add stress to our lives, spend what we don't have, and betray our own beliefs, but we also bargaining our tie for things we need to do for ourselves. Arguably time is known as the most precious thing in the world. Do you want to give it all away to the people around you, regardless of how much you may love them, feel sorry for them, etc.? The time you choose to handout is time that you will never get back. It may seem as if you're "giving away" time that you don't use; making use of unused time. More than likely that isn't true. Think of your schedule. Set aside a few days a week and a particular set of hours that you feel is "unused time." Whatever you decide to use the allotted time is completely up to you. You can use it to do something you enjoy, to play "catch up" on tasks you've put aside, spend time bonding with your family, develop a skill, the possibilities are endless. Not only will you love being able to spend some time not worried about others, but you will also be surprised at the things you're able to accomplish, learn, and appreciate. If someone happens to "need" something from you that will clash with the time you've selected then that's just the favor you'll have to turn down. If you find it hard to say no then prioritize those time slots as highly as you would prioritize working. It's not that you're refusing to do what's been asked, it's simply that you can't do it.
4. USE YOUR VOICE
will change and circumstances will be different from that day forward. If you have a very intense family and circle of friends, try talking to them in a relaxed setting. A night out for dinner, a group activity or you can try writing letters or having a presentation. Also, try to spend some time with people whose company you sincerely enjoy and never seem to take advantage of your selflessness. Developing friendships will take your mind away from feeling obligated to people and help you focus more on actually finding pleasure in being around them.
5. GIFTS YOU CAN AFFORD
All these exercises are not designed for you to become self-centered. Of course, it's still okay to help people and to be there when others depend on you. But, there has to be a limit and there have to be boundaries. When you're used to always helping, always lending, and always stretching yourself, you cannot simply wake up morning and decide exactly what these boundaries will be. It takes time, patience, and practicing using the word "no" before these limits will manifest. In the meantime, there's something else that you can do to balance out your change in lifestyle. Once a week do something genuinely good for someone, in which you expect nothing in return and it also doesn't drain you. For the first few times, try to stay away from choosing a close friend or family member as the recipient. You want them to get used to the fact that you won't be there at their every beck and call, and you also want to learn how to give without feeling like you have to. Sometimes strangers show a different kind of appreciation and gratitude from what you're used to. Also, they're less likely to keep coming back for more.
READ MORE:
Tips to Take Care of You
-Great list of ways to fill your allotted time that will not only benefit your health, but also your state of mind, and social life.
Why It's Not Selfish to Put Yourself First
-Reasons and benefits of deciding to finally put yourself before you put others
7 Reasons Why Putting Yourself First Helps Others
What's wrong with helping other people? When we have our own issues and things we need to deal with, we wouldn't want someone else to turn their back on us, right? Treat others how we'd like to be treated. Good karma means what goes around, comes back around. These are just a few of the excuses we feed ourselves when we can't seem to turn someone down on a request, regardless of the impact it will have on our own lives. There are so many parts of ourselves that we give away each day without any consideration of how it may be affecting us in the long run. In Amanda's situation, she couldn't say no to helping out her loved ones with their financial issues, and ended up digging her own hole when it came time to pay her bills. Money isn't the only thing that we seem to give away so freely; as women we also tend to give away our energy, morals, values, time, and peace of mind without so much as a second thought.
1. EVALUATE YOUR "GIFT"
When we can't say no to others, we're giving away gifts that at the time we simply cannot afford. Like a credit card, we are spending ourselves in a way that will eventually catch up with us. What is it that you're giving and cannot afford to give? Is it too much of your time? Too much of your patience? Too much of your peace of mind? Do you feel like you're compromising your values? Pushing your personal morals to the side? Make a list of all the things that you feel like you're "losing" due to external factors. First, all the obvious things will come to mind but after a while, the underlying "gifts" will begin to come to you as well. You will begin to realize that you're giving away more than you thought you were...
2. UNDERSTAND THE CONSEQUENCES
Often, your loved ones are the ones draining you even when they have no real intention of doing so and you don't initially see it because naturally, you feel bonded by your loyalty to them. It may seem harmless to give, and selfish to even think that you shouldn't. While writing this list, it's normal to feel guilty about thinking only of yourself. You'll be tempted to rationalize your actions and take the unfortunate and uncontrollable situations of others into deliberation. On another sheet of paper or preferably on the back of the paper make a list of all the repetitive outcomes of your decision when you decide to put others before yourself. Are you giving so much time away that you haven't been spending time with yourself lately? Is it difficult to sleep at night? Are you unable to focus at school or at work because you're worried and allowed someone to take advantage of your peace of mind.
3. CREATE UNTOUCHABLE HOURS
By putting other people in front of us, we not only add stress to our lives, spend what we don't have, and betray our own beliefs, but we also bargaining our tie for things we need to do for ourselves. Arguably time is known as the most precious thing in the world. Do you want to give it all away to the people around you, regardless of how much you may love them, feel sorry for them, etc.? The time you choose to handout is time that you will never get back. It may seem as if you're "giving away" time that you don't use; making use of unused time. More than likely that isn't true. Think of your schedule. Set aside a few days a week and a particular set of hours that you feel is "unused time." Whatever you decide to use the allotted time is completely up to you. You can use it to do something you enjoy, to play "catch up" on tasks you've put aside, spend time bonding with your family, develop a skill, the possibilities are endless. Not only will you love being able to spend some time not worried about others, but you will also be surprised at the things you're able to accomplish, learn, and appreciate. If someone happens to "need" something from you that will clash with the time you've selected then that's just the favor you'll have to turn down. If you find it hard to say no then prioritize those time slots as highly as you would prioritize working. It's not that you're refusing to do what's been asked, it's simply that you can't do it.
4. USE YOUR VOICE
will change and circumstances will be different from that day forward. If you have a very intense family and circle of friends, try talking to them in a relaxed setting. A night out for dinner, a group activity or you can try writing letters or having a presentation. Also, try to spend some time with people whose company you sincerely enjoy and never seem to take advantage of your selflessness. Developing friendships will take your mind away from feeling obligated to people and help you focus more on actually finding pleasure in being around them.
5. GIFTS YOU CAN AFFORD
All these exercises are not designed for you to become self-centered. Of course, it's still okay to help people and to be there when others depend on you. But, there has to be a limit and there have to be boundaries. When you're used to always helping, always lending, and always stretching yourself, you cannot simply wake up morning and decide exactly what these boundaries will be. It takes time, patience, and practicing using the word "no" before these limits will manifest. In the meantime, there's something else that you can do to balance out your change in lifestyle. Once a week do something genuinely good for someone, in which you expect nothing in return and it also doesn't drain you. For the first few times, try to stay away from choosing a close friend or family member as the recipient. You want them to get used to the fact that you won't be there at their every beck and call, and you also want to learn how to give without feeling like you have to. Sometimes strangers show a different kind of appreciation and gratitude from what you're used to. Also, they're less likely to keep coming back for more.
READ MORE:
Tips to Take Care of You
-Great list of ways to fill your allotted time that will not only benefit your health, but also your state of mind, and social life.
Why It's Not Selfish to Put Yourself First
-Reasons and benefits of deciding to finally put yourself before you put others
7 Reasons Why Putting Yourself First Helps Others
-Insightful and interesting article about how you end up being of more help to others by learning to first help yourself and better understand your relationship with others, decisions you make, and identifying your needs
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